A Gouda Time at Stinky Brooklyn's Cheese-Eating Stinkfest

Many of us have watched, or perhaps even participated in, a hot-dog or pie eating contest at some point during our lives. But a cheese eating contest? Not as likely.

But on Sunday, upwards of 100 people gathered on Smith Street to watch a slew of contestants consume mass quantities of cheese for  Stinkfest. Each of the 25 contestants had 2 minutes to eat as much of a block of cheese as possible, with cups of water to get it down.

Cheese-lovers gathered to participate, some having prepared for the event and others signing up only minutes before.

Why would anyone do this, you ask?

"I just woke up and I'm starving," said Alex Abboud.

"I eat very quickly in front of my desk everyday," offered another contestant, Jay Ballesteros.

One thing all contestants had in common; a true love of cheese.

"My friend and I used to joke that at our wedding we'd have shredded cheese thrown at us," said contestant Meredith Myers.

Each contestant adopted a temporary cheese name. Ballesteros took on “Cheese Robot” and Myers was “Provolone Jones.” Other names included “Lactose Supertolerant” and “Spongebob Cheesepants.” Cheese puns were flying in all directions. 

Each contestant was called to the stand, and sat down facing a block of cheese and a cup of water. When the clock began, everyone started eating their cheese, some sitting and enjoying it, others stuffing it down their throats in between gulps of water.

It wasn’t the most pleasant sight, to say the least.  

The crowd cheered them on, overpowering the groans coming from both the audience and the contestants. 

“Cheese! Cheese! Cheese!” they screamed. 

Luckily, the contest was too short for anyone to get too ill. Out of all the contestants, only two finished their half pound blocks of Cantal - a dense, cheddar-like wheel cheese from France - Stinky Brooklyn staff member Ontae Barnes and three year champion Will Mellender, aptly nicknamed, “The Champ.” 

While the judges decided the winner of the contest, Brooklyn Borough President and Cheese Grand Marshall Marty Markowitz joined the contestants on stage. 

"I can understand a pizza or frankfurter contest, but cheese? That's why this contest belongs in Brooklyn," he said. "Whoever wins, they're all losers to me," he joked.

Mellender was pronounced winner, and was presented with a giant, gold and red Stinkfest Belt, along with a gift basket of Brooklyn Products. 

“Four years in a row, and I’ll be going for five,” Mellender, from Bay Ridge, said proudly. “I like coming out here, it promotes Brooklyn and that’s what we need.” 

Melender had already participated in two other eating contests the day before, one for frozen yogurt and the other for pizza. Too much cheese?

“I’m a little calcium rich right now," he said.

Audience members were impressed by the contestants, if a little disturbed.

“Amazing feats, and I’m glad no one threw up,” said Melissa Ruchong.

“It was awesome,” said Liz Minot. “That dude that won, definitely a master.”

“I think the guy who won has a deal with [Stinky Brooklyn],” joked Etienne Bowler, drummer of Emily Warren and the Betters, one of the bands that performed for the Stinkfest. “They gave him Swiss because of all the holes.”

As part of the Stinkfest, Stinky Brooklyn offered some of their delicious sandwiches, wine, growlers, Porkslap ale on tap and Stinkfest T-shirts. There was live music throughout the day, including Willy Gantrim, Like, Mountains, The Woes, Emily Warren and The Betters and The Blue Vipers of Brooklyn. Stinky Brooklyn’s mascots, a piece of cheese called “L. Boogie” and a cheese grater called “Shred Nark,” danced with the crowd. 

“Oh, Cheesus, this was amazing,” said L. Boogie.

Patrick Watson, one of the owners of Stinky Brooklyn, was pleased with the event.

“For me, it’s just great when you get the 10-year-old, the parent and the professional,” he said. “It’s a neighborhood event and it’s really fun.”

And while the event may have turned some audience members away from cheese for awhile, no attendee will likely soon forget the incredible cheese-eating contest of Stinkfest 2011. 

As Shred Nark said:

“You feta believe it!”